I love black thongs
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
