We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
