Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
