I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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