I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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