Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Too much gin, very little bucket
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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