Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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