this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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