Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
