I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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