You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize