Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize