Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
