just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
