I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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