There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
