did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And then he peed in my hair
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