spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
