she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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