I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize