How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
