you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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