you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
