i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
