I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
