I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize