How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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