make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Boobs speak an international language.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize