well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
