i permit you to call me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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