Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize