i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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