Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My balls are so social today.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
