She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
