We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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