i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
