When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
