Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
