He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
