well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
