This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
