Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
