you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize