As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
