You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
