from now on my penis is your penis
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
