I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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