I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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