What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
