Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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