it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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