Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
