if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
are you so shy because you have an std?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
