A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
