Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
