did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
