the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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