I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
