By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize