Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
