You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
