Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
