When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
