My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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