I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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