Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
