do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
