i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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